I need His forgiveness more and more every day.
More because as I grow closer to Him I see my sinfulness, my heart full of me and in such a big need of Him.
As I reflect about repentance and forgiveness I can not but think about my hardness. I was taught from my childhood that parents ought be firm when disciplining their children. But my sinful nature has made this an excuse for the hardship I have laid over my own children at times.
I am not like my Lord has taught me to be. I only point the sin, the grievance, but I am slow to forgive.
The day I will remember always, was when after correcting her and talking to her asking why she would not come to ask forgiveness, she said, hands over her face, “because you don’t forgive, you hold it too long”
I was afraid, scared. We hugged. We cried. We prayed.
Why I grew up thinking that “I forgive you and I truly let it go” were words so hard to say? Maybe just to see how my nature wants to hold back, and still see how great is His love towards me and how He truly lets it go. He does not hold my sins to bring them out some day in he future. He Forgives me. He is my Father.
I have been praying and asking Him to change this sinful heart. But I must, now that I have been called out of darkness into His light.. do something, I must seek His face and repent.
He is quick to forgive. And through forgiveness is that we come to know light.
James says,
“My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”
It is not anger that will bring my children to know the way of life, it is love and repentance that will bring life. My anger, my lack of forgiveness will not bring the fruits of righteousness that I desire to see in their lives.
My walk has been improving by His grace, not that I have overcome..but I keep up pressing, battling, wrestling with my sins, holding more and more to the Word of God. depending on Him, growing in grace…daily on my way to heaven.
From my prayer-book, The Valley of Vision.
“Thou blessed Spirit, Author of all grace and comfort,
come work repentance in my soul;
Represent sin to me in its odious colours that I may hate it;
Melt my heart by the majesty and mercy of God;
Show me my ruined self and help there is in Him;
Teach me to behold my creator,
his ability to save,
his arms outstretched,
his heart big for me…
Help me not only to receive him but
to walk in Him,
depend upon Him,
commune with Him,
be conformed to Him,
follow Him…”
Oh Lord, let my arms be always outstretched to love and hug my dear children, to receive them openly. To forgive.
and again, I am learning to pray,
“Sanctify and prosper my domestic devotion,
instruction discipline, example,
that my house may be a nursery for heaven…”
Amen.
